I'm gonna have a badass scar
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
