Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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