i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
