Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
