i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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