Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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