im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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