just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
