there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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