the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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