Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize