btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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