I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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