Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
