No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
