Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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