I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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