well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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