I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
