I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
