i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
