I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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