i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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