taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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