I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
