I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
