i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This house was built for laser tag.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
