you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize