i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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