Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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