so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
