I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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