are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
