So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
