I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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