That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
