So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize