A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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