I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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