i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
