he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
be right there i have to get my cape
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize