I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Holy sore nipples Batman
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
