You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
