Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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