I skipped work to stalk him.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
