I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
