Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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