I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize