dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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