Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize