well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
