Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
