you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
