Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
