and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
