That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
