I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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