I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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