You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
