I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
