We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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