He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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