so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
