He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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