If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
