im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
