Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
