I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
