he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
