she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
