I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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