are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
