Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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