I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
