Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
