i may or may not be watching the land before time
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
