so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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