whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
