if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
