Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
