Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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