fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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