A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
