I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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