Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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