sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
